Thoughts & Teachings
Jeffrey Hettleman
It was a simple request to share a Kavanah on a fair question - how do I prepare spiritually and personally for Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. After all, I know that's what I'm supposed to be doing and so I should have a profound answer. So, why has that e-mail been sitting in my inbox staring at me every day waiting for the answer?
Perhaps I've struggled because the easy answers seem pretty unfulfilling and uninspired, but all too pressing. My preparation involves resolving some of life's great challenges: Who's hosting what meal? For our meal, should we have salmon, tenderloin or both? Who should sit next to whom? Who should not sit next to whom? What time should we start and end so that everyone can get to their services on time? What's the weather going to be and how does that impact my fasting strategy? How can I manage to take so many days off work and survive turning off my Blackberry? How can we get our children to take time off from their obligations and be with us? When did they say our Aliyah was and how can we be sure not to be late?
Sometimes I struggle with finding meaning or spiritual connection with the rituals of our tradition. No wonder if I spend time worrying about these questions. But when I think about past Yamim Noraim, I don't remember any of that. What I think about are vivid, transcendent moments like being surrounded by my family, with the dimming sunlight filtering through the windows as the final verse of Avinu Malkeinu is chanted and I think about how I can be a better person.
My Hebrew name is Hillel. I genuinely try to live my life by the Golden Rule he taught us:
"That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is explanation; go and learn." What I don't do enough of is take the time to truly reflect on what that means and what and how I can change to meet that challenge. After all, most of us find it very hard to change in meaningful ways.
But, to me that is the unique gift and essential challenge of Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. These days, and the preparation leading up to them, are all about creating separateness from the routine of our daily lives so that we have the opportunity to reflect upon what is truly meaningful in our lives and our relationships with our family and community. I know I do that when I'm sitting in synagogue. Thanks to that e-mail in my inbox, this year (and hopefully in the future) I'll trust more that the routine details will all work out and spend my time thinking about how I live up to my name and the true challenge and opportunity these days provide.
